If you want a second date...

So, my friend Mike works for The Grooming Lounge and he asked me if I wanted to write some dating pointers for his audience for a cross promotion - I give them a shout out in my blog, they post my article in their blog and feature my blog in an email blast.

First of all, WOW, how flattering. And exciting! Thanks Mike.

Second of all, heck yeah. It's not like I don't have any thoughts on this matter.

So, for my part of this cross promotion, I need to give them a shout out. So here it is:

Guys, The Grooming Lounge has every grooming/shaving product a guy could possibly need! My friend Mike describes it as Sephora for men. Ladies, if you have a man in your life who needs a little help being presentable, The Grooming Lounge has got you covered.

Now, let's get to it.

Gentleman, if you find yourself on a date with someone you would like to see again, you have a few jobs to do.

First of all, you have to act the part.

  1. Be on time! Why WHY are my dates ALWAYS late? I should have kept a tab on my dating data spreadsheet to figure out punctuality percentages. Would you be late for a job interview? Well, that is basically what a date is. And, if you are going to be late, don't tell me five minutes before our meeting time. Tell me at least an hour ahead of time so I am not sitting around waiting for you wasting my time. This happens to me ALL THE TIME. Stop it.
  2. You must compliment your date. I'll never forget date #47. I complimented him on his shoes. I told him he looked even better than in his photos. And you know what? He did not say one single complimentary thing to me. Not one. I had put time and effort into looking good for him. I was wearing a really good outfit! And, I was having a good hair day! Lame. And, if you can't compliment me, you better not try to kiss me.
  3. Give a non-appearance related compliment. Do you think your date is funny? Is she cool? Tell her! Who doesn't need some positive reinforcement? I smile from ear to ear when a date tells me he has read my blog and likes my writing. 
  4. You must demonstrate enthusiasm and appreciation that you are getting to enjoy her company. I myself am extremely busy. If I am able to squeeze in time to meet someone, I want him to act like he is happy to be spending time with me. Smile! Give me eye contact! Date #64 gave the BEST EYE CONTACT. I only got to have two dates with him but his vibe was so positive it literally made me high.
  5. Focus on your DATE. If there is a TV in the bar that is causing you to constantly look away or you are checking your phone, you are not giving your date the attention she deserves and you are selling yourself short as a potential candidate. If you can't pay attention to her on your first encounter, how can she expect you to give her the attention she deserves at any other time? I went on a date recently with date #80. As we sat at the bar, this handsome guy looked at the TV more than he looked at me. I am a sucker for a handsome face but I want to see more than your profile. Bo-ring. No thank you.
  6. If you enjoyed her company, tell her! Send her a nice text right after you part ways to let her know you had a good time and thank her for spending time with you. Please do not worry about being over enthusiastic or "creepy." When I left date #73, he texted me before I was even a block away and told me "I'm so glad we met." Wow. THANK YOU.  

Second of all, you have to look the part.

Do you know how much pain and suffering women have to go through to look good for you? Do you know how much money we spend on our looks? Between makeup, manicures, wrinkle prevention, pedicures, haircuts and color? My goodness. I myself have spent almost $5000 on laser hair removal (best money I have ever spent, by the way) and I tried Botox for the first time a few months ago and spent $750 to have poison injected into my face which has now worn off already.

  1. Please don't have nails that are too long. This is number one because it is SO EASY to remedy. Also, please do not remedy this AT WORK. Or on PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. Why do so many people clip their nails in public? WHY? Don't do it! 
  2. If you have hair growing out of your ears or nose, I feel for you. That isn't fun. But it needs to be addressed. Fix it! There are tools for that! Buy one. Seriously.
  3. If you have back hair, I am so sorry for you because you probably dislike it too and feel insecure about it. But you need to get it addressed. Start getting it waxed regularly, or better yet, get it lasered. If either of those options are too costly, a back shaver is better than nothing. Just PLEASE stay stubble free.
  4. Get your hair cut. Please, please don't look unkempt. How I long for a man with a nice, clean, classic haircut with a side part. 
  5. Keep your beard in check. I don't care if you are clean-shaven or have scruff or a full beard. They are all attractive to me. Just please mind the hairs that are "outside the line." Take care of those. Also, if you could please refrain from growing your beard so long you look like an ISIS hipster (like my very first Tinder date who was also twenty minutes late), I would appreciate that. 
  6. Finally, this is my top, number one turn off. Please PLEASE PLEASE be mindful of your scruffy neck. I don't want to see scruff there. I want it to look like you just walked out of the barber shop EVERY DAY. Get that taken care of regularly or do it yourself at home with a trimmer.
Also, don't be afraid to wear some cologne. Mmmmm, I love that.

So, if you want that second date - be nice, look nice, and smell nice. Actually, whether or not you want a second date, just do that always. We all should.

On behalf of womankind, thank you.

The Grooming Lounge is generously offering my readers a 15% off on anything on the site! Use Code: BACKSEAT (How cool is that? I have my own coupon code!!)

Ladies, do you have any other suggestions for my gentleman readers? Gentleman, what jobs do ladies have to do if they want a second date with you (please do not mention anything that has to do with blowing!!). Tell me in the comments!


  1. As someone who has a fairly high rate of 2nd dates let me just say that I agree with all 12 tips. Some thoughts on the first section (forgive the long post):

    1. Being on time. Not sure it’s a gender thing here. I don’t have exact numbers but I can tell you the vast majority of first dates that I’ve had have started with her being late. I think it’s a very common thing in this area and I’m one of the few people I know who is ALWAYS punctual. Even to a fault. I do agree that it’s extremely frustrating to get a text 2 minutes before the agreed upon time stating they just got on the metro that’s across town.

    2. Complimenting. Yes, you should definitely do it. I definitely do think that traditional gender roles have men needing to compliment women more than men, especially on a first date. It’s just a theory of mine but I believe women are generally more guarded with their compliments because men will take any compliment as a “oh, she totally wants to have sex with me.” So we have no one to blame for ourselves for the lack of compliments being given to us.

    3. Non-appearance related compliments. Agree 100% percent.

    4. Enthusiasm and appreciation. Agree regarding one’s time. Not to sound like a douchebag here but I am a very busy person. If I’m giving up a slot in my calendar ahead of time to make time for someone else, don’t jerk me around with constant “Oh, well I really want to go to this other thing so can we reschedule?” Sure, we can reschedule but now you’re making me feel like an ass if I say I can’t and I’m thus making you miss out on something you “really want”. We’re all busy people. You make time for the things that are important to you. If your first impression is that you could care less about my schedule then I’ll quickly bail.

    5. Focus on your date. I’d like to blame it on a generational thing by saying that younger people will often look at their phones anywhere and at any time. But really it’s a matter of courtesy and respect for the other person. Your cell phone should not be out on the table/counter/anywhere that isn’t your pocket or purse. No excuses.

    6. Telling her you enjoyed her personality. Yes, 100%. I feel the whole “wait 3 days” thing was something people talked about/thought about 10+ years ago and really doesn’t apply in today’s society. But what do I know? 

    Next part...

    1. Alex, thank you for all your thoughts and comments! I love them and agree with them all. If you are who I think you are, I think one of them may be directed at me specifically and well... hmph.

    2. It's not as if I'm hiding under another name. Still me. Alex. And I would've written that regardless of our interaction as it's something I believed in for quite some time.

      I meant it when I said no hard feelings :)

  2. Looking the part…

    No need for me to give comments on each of those so I’ll just add a few more to the list.

    7. Get a tailor. I’m talking for pants and dress shirts. For “normal” clothing then just be aware of what the right fit is. I’m always surprised to see so many men wearing loose/baggy clothing, and not in the rapper/hip-hop style.

    8. Along with the right fit, learn the basics of fashion. I’m not talking Gucci shoes and $100 t-shirts. Just get a basic understanding of what matches. Brown shoes to brown belt. Black shoes to black belt. Get yourself a proper fitting blazer, jeans, nice white dress shirt. Focus on the classics that don’t go out of style.

    9. Eyebrows. Don’t get them waxed. Just use a pair of tweezers and spend some time in front of the mirror. And don’t go overboard.

    10. Teeth. While you may not be able to fix major problems easily (without plenty of time, money, and invisalign), you CAN easily whiten your own teeth. There’s tons of different types of Crest White Strips out there. And they’re not nearly as painful as you think they may be. Spend $30-$50 and get your teeth 5-7 shades whiter. Worth every penny and you can do it every couple of years.

    11. Jewelry. Your style may vary but I would advise the less the better. No chains, no rings, no earrings, etc. Instead focus on a great watch. In fact, multiple watches. And not some god awful giant eyesore type of watch.

    12. Shoes. First date? Pay attention to these. Make sure they are appropriate for where you’re going. That they’re not ratty looking. Again…keep it simple and classic.

    I think I’ll stop here, don’t want to completely fill up the comment section.

    1. Yes, after I published this I wanted to add one about wearing proper fitting clothes and now you just made me realize as well, DO NOT SHOW UP WRINKLED. And, TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT. Well, if it is that kind of shirt.

      Keep your comments coming, I appreciate them very much!


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