The Spreadsheet

So, if you've been reading my blogs, you know I keep a spreadsheet of my dating data.

I figured when I started dating again at 41, it was probably going to take me a while to find someone. So I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep track of all my dates and see how many guys I would have to go though to find my next Boyfriend.

I keep track of things like their name and age, the platform I met them on (Tinder, Bumble, in real life), our activity, whether or not I felt a spark, if I fell in love.

I may or may not keep track of what base we went to. Wouldn't you like to know?

After a while, I started figuring out conversion rates. How many first dates converted to second? How many converted to third? How many converted to Boyfriend?

Zero. Zero converted to Boyfriend.

My conversion rates are terrible.

I once had a client who called herself a Data Whore. I liked that. She influenced me to be more numbers driven; I probably wouldn't have my spreadsheet if it weren't for her. And I wouldn't be able to tell you that from 78 first dates my conversion rates are:

2nd date: 26%
3rd date: 9%
4th date: 5%
5th date: 1%

So far, the most dates I've had with one person is twelve. Those were with my One True Tinder Love.

But that's another story.

For all the time I have spent swiping and conversing with and meeting people, how should I measure ROI?

Boyfriends? Terrible.
New friends? Low.
D*ck pics? Too many.
Heartache and disappointment? A lot.
Rejection? Tons. Constant rejection. Constant.
Life lessons?  Many.
Lessons I would have been better off not knowing? Also, many.
Stories? Yeah, ROI for stories is good.

I have a lot of stories now.

I hope you are enjoying them.

Do you have a great story? A good ROI example? How are your conversion rates? Tell me in the comments!

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  1. Interesting. Have you noticed any patterns in this data though? Do people from certain platforms, or with whom you do certain activities as dates tend to work best?

    What I would be interested in finding out would be to create a reverse spreadsheet to find out what people who met me think. Then I would know either what to change (if it is something I have no idea about), or what kind of women to approach, if it's something I have no interest in changing - like talking to women early about their feelings on marriage, kids etc. I wonder if you could ask people to do that now that you have a platform to talk about your experiences.

    1. Hi Kyle! Thanks for your comment! I have not analyzed my data for patterns but I do have more analysis and know why conversion rates are so low. That part is proprietary though! That is a good idea, maybe you should make a Google Forms questionnaire and send it out to all your past dates!

  2. I'm on a number of sites and it's been pretty much a shotgun approach. I've gotten a few friendships, a couple of brief relationships, and not many 2nd or 3rd dates. I like/fear the idea of sending out the questionnaire.

    I do have a question (well, several, but I won't impose) about whether your analysis has led you to approach your selection process differently and if it's changed the likelihood of a second, third date. Thanks and I'll take my answer off the air...

    1. Haha, hi John. Thank you for your comment. Feel free to ask me your questions. I welcome them! The answer to the one you asked is yes. I have become more selective because a. I just don't have time and b. I am just tired of being disappointed and don't feel like casting such a wide net anymore. I was very innocent and naive when I started app dating and it exposed me to a lot of people with very bad manners which got really depressing. Therefore, my conversion rates should improve but only because I am going on way less dates than I did before. That spark is rare and hard to find and in a future blog which I will post soon, I talk more about how I feel about whether or not I am going to find "Him."

    2. Sorry you've run across some ill-mannered folks; I will say, even if a lot of my dates havent gone anywhere, I havent had a bad experience. I guess women are nicer (at least to start :p) Have you gotten any better at sussing out the jerks before you go out, either through the profile or any chatting before you agree to go out? Have you tightened up your criteria? What are you not willing to compromise on anymore?

      By "Him" I assume you do not mean God...:p

    3. My dates have usually been polite to me. It is the ignoring and the ghosting that happens later that upsets me. I always tell people: rejection is better than confusion.

    4. It's a fair point. I've been guilty of it. The usual avoidance of confrontation. As always, I'm a work in progress.

  3. Catching up on your blog is fun... If I didn't have a date in 30 minutes I'd keep digging. It sounds like you're rocking it. I get a ton of heat from my gal pals for keeping a spreadsheet but here's my ROI: 2nd dates: 22% (after starting 0-16), 3rd dates 12%, 7 dates: 1 of 68, 10+ dates 1 of 68. Cute clever bloggers swiped right on: 0 dates (so far - ahem). Regular friends 3%, business contacts 4.5%. I'd trade 'em all for that elusive gf. Question. If you found a guy who was willing - would you document the relationship on a separate blog? Suppose he wasn't willing - would you pledge to not mention him? As if the ethics of online dating weren't vague enough! :)

    1. Thanks for your stats Cliff Pintak. Sounds like we are having similar results. Any guy who dates me has to know he may inspire me but if that happened, it would all be in the same blog. Maybe I'd have to change the name though - Finally in the Passenger Seat.

    2. Oh, and good luck on your date tonight!


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