First Kisses


Guys, what's your first kiss technique? Do you swoop right in and go for it? Do you ask permission? Do you wait until your date gives you eyes and a vibe to let you know it will be well received?

I've had a lot of first kisses in the last two years. I got so many actually that it got to a point that when yet another guy preemptively leaned in to plant one on me, I rolled my (closed) eyes thinking, ugh, here we go again. Here I am getting a very not special and unwelcome first kiss. 

So many of my dates leaned in with nary a seductive effort. Not a compliment, not a charming remark, not an acknowledgement of their appreciation of enjoying time with me. 

Nothing. 

But they went for it anyway. In the beginning, I was always so caught off guard that their mouth was on mine that I didn't have a chance to react. 

Then I learned to dodge. 

Now I dodge incoming kisses like the pro that I've become. No compliment on how I look? No acknowledgement of my charm? Then keep your kisses to yourself! 

Don't you think a kiss should be earned with a kind or flirty word? A deep look into my eyes? Or better yet, asking my permission like an actual, real, live gentleman? I do! 

My worst first kiss was Number 22 on my spreadsheet. We met in Georgetown for a walk around the waterfront and then he took me out to lunch. Our conversation flowed easily and I was having a nice enough time. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny spring day so after lunch I was up for going back to the park to lay in the sun. As we headed back down one of the side streets to the waterfront, he abruptly pushed me up against a wall and literally attacked my face. When I came up for air, I told him, 

"You just literally attacked my face!" 

He slobbered all over me. Ewww.

Worst. First. Kiss. Ever. 

A first kiss should be tentative, slow, gentle - an attempt to read a response to see if more is welcome. 

If that is not your technique, fix your technique

I'm pretty sure no one wants their face attacked after knowing you for one hour. 

I liked Number 62's first kiss. He waited till our second date, which I appreciated. I loved not being manhandled by him. After he took me out to dinner and listened to my stories in a way that made me feel comfortable being my most charming self, he walked me to the metro. 

He gave me a hug good bye and then stepped back, looked at me and then grabbed my face with both hands and planted one on me. It was like a scene from a movie! The groundwork had been laid so this was hot, sexy. When I told my friend about it, he started referring to him as Hot Grab Guy. Perfect. I liked that. 

My One True Tinder Love's first kiss caught me off guard. He probably swooped in too soon for my taste but his hand on my leg, my hands on his arm (oh his armsssss) had allowed for that boundary to be crossed so it was not unwelcome. And his kiss? Perfection. What he lacked in timing, he more than made up for with technique. 

Number 31's first kiss? Well, he didn't even wait. He went for it within five minutes of meeting me. It had seemed like we already knew each other though because we had been talking for a week. A lot. It's pretty funny - the only reason I swiped right on him was because his profile was so BAD - I wanted to help him with his typos and grammar! His pictures were terrible so I didn't think I would be into him at all. He was a good sport about my constructive criticism and he wanted to meet me. That was not my intention but after he messaged me for a week, was so nice, showed interest in me as an actual human and was so responsive, he wore me down. I figured I'd meet him and just make a new friend. However, when I saw him? Wow. His pictures did him NO justice. He was so attractive! So when he went right for it? After putting in a week of effort to get to know me and sensing the obvious chemistry, well, it was not unwelcome. Not one single bit. 

But the last guy who tried to kiss me on a first date? Oh, by then I was so sick of it. I literally told him right at dinner,

"Please don't try to kiss me tonight."

That didn't work. After dinner we went for a walk. And what did that sneak do? He asked permission. I was so caught off guard and pleased that SOMEONE finally asked permission that I acquiesced. But, he got the closed eye roll once his lips touched mine. I wasn't into it. Or him. Too soon. It made me not want to see him again. I just don't want to kiss anyone anymore who I have known for less than three hours. I mean, that seems reasonable.

Now I'm just back to dodging. And I am really good at that. 

So take note, dear male readers:

Give a compliment.
Be charming.
Lay some groundwork.
Make sure there is a vibe.
Don't slobber.
Try a handhold or a hand on thigh first.
Don't be afraid to tell your date you want to kiss her before going in for it.

Please... don't make us use our dodging skills on you. 

***
This is my dream first kiss.

Do you have a good or bad first kiss story? Tell me about it in the comments!



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Comments

  1. Replies
    1. Oh my gosh, I am so glad!! I heard that song performed live the first time I heard it and the words touched me so much I burst into tears. He introduced it by dedicating it to his beautiful wife. Swoon. He is now singing with a friend of mine. Their band is called Oh, Virginia. https://www.facebook.com/ohvirginiamusic/

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  2. I HATE the lean in. Don't come close to my face and then do nothing. Just go for it! Or ask... or do any of the other things you suggested. Just don't ONLY lean in!

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    1. Haha! I have never experienced a lean in only. That's a new one!

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  3. Just discovered this blog and really dig your writing! Great kissing is something I deeply appreciate so your insight is most welcome.

    If I may, I would add one extended thought...

    If a woman wants you to kiss her, she will almost always show it with her body language. So...PAY ATTENTION!

    (Note: since most body language is involuntary, you really need to observe more than one of these to be certain.)

    *Touching you*
    If your date puts her hand on your arm while laughing at your joke, etc...she is starting to feel physically comfortable with you, so a good start.

    *Touching herself*
    When a woman touches her own neck or arm, or unnecessarily tucks her hair behind her ears...she is usually low-key flirting.

    *Looking at your lips/mouth area*
    Gotta be careful with this one because she might just be judging your oral hygiene (floss, guys!) and/or teeth whiteness. But she could also be sizing up a potential kiss for later.

    *Flirty eye contact*
    Not to be confused this with polite conversational eye contact. If a woman maintains eye contact while batting/narrowing her eyes or laughing, or just generally makes mischievous faces, this is another good sign.

    *The movie theater lean-in*
    If your date leans over to say something in a loud setting (theater/bar/concert), and instead of talking directly into your ear she places her mouth ambiguously close to yours, this is a hint.

    *The awkwardly delayed goodbye*
    This one is tough because it involves waiting until the very end of the date...but it is also the single most reliable indicator.

    If your date goes to hug you goodbye, then as she's letting go, pauses for a moment like something else is supposed to happen, she is giving you a chance.

    Instead of just diving in at this point, maybe gently take hold of her hand or waist, and if she giggles, blushes, or takes a deep breath, you can be certain you are 100% invited to kiss her.

    Again fellas, look for more than one. If you're getting zero of these, perhaps try subtly dropping a hint yourself and if she doesn't reciprocate, you have your answer. Ending a date without the kiss you really desired can be a bummer, but anything is better than "the dodge" or getting 2 seconds in and realizing your date is not into it.

    Thanks again for your outstanding writing Jen!

    -Michael B

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    1. Hi Michael B! I am so glad you found my blog and that you like it! Thanks for taking the time to not only write that great list of things to watch out for but to also take the time to OBSERVE your female companions' behaviors. I thought this was written by a woman before I got to the end and saw your signature. I'm impressed. Good job!

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  4. was a senior in High School she was a college sophomore. Tall blonde girl she was a acquintence of my sister. We had chatted after Church choir for a month. We were in the parking lot holding hands eyes locked
    The only two people in the world. Butterflies all over my stomach. I asked her permission to kiss her she smiled and said yes total fireworks over the moon

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    Replies
    1. That is a lovely memory! You are lucky to have it and to have experienced that moment!

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