Who should pay on dates?


Recently I asked for blog ideas from my readers and one asked me to write about who should pay on dates. So, here goes.

The simple answer is, for a first date, I'd say whoever did the inviting is the one who should pay.

However...

Although I am a confident, modern woman who is not afraid to ask a man out, I have learned that it really does need to be up to the man to make the first move in order to know that he is actually interested. Despite how much we are currently fighting against this notion in society, I think this is just how biology works.

Therefore, because (biologically) it is the gentleman's job to offer the date/time/location, it also means that it is his job to treat his lady companion on a first date. It is our job to show up and look pretty.

It is also our job to not take advantage of any generosity that the gentleman bestows on us, nor is it our job to expect that the location is going to even include anything that would require the gentleman to take out his wallet.

Gentleman readers, please, feel free to be creative and stop spending so much money on women you don't even know. Save your money to treat the lady who you come to know is deserving of your time, attention, and hard earned money!

Don't be afraid to be frugal and don't think that your dates expect you to wine and dine them (if they do, run!)! Unless you are in the 1%, I am pretty sure your budget is tight and dating can be expensive!

Any woman worthy of your generosity will not expect it.

A friend of mine recently took out a woman and dished out $140 for dinner for a first date which ended up going nowhere!!! That was NOT in his budget! I was like, "Are you CRAZY? I don't know if anyone has ever spent that much on a date with me EVER!"

Don't feel bad about living within your means. Being on top of your finances is sexy, plus your lady should like you for you, not for how prodigal you are. You also don't want to set an expectation that you can afford to maintain a lifestyle that you actually can't.

If you are concerned about spending money, there are so many free activities you can do! Invite your date on a walk, for an ice cream, to go to a museum, etc etc. If your go-to is drinks and dinner and you are spending a lot of money and annoyed about it, just stop doing it!

If the proposed first date does in fact include a meal, the lady should only accept if she can afford to pay for her share (in case her date is not an actual gentleman). At the restaurant, the lady should be considerate to not go crazy with what she orders and should definitely try to not order something more expensive than what the gentleman orders.

When the bill comes the lady should politely offer to pay for herself (OMG is this moment ever not awkward? I hate it so much which is one of the main reasons I always suggest free dates), but the gentleman should gallantly not accept since he was the one doing the inviting and should have only selected an activity he could afford.

As far as after the first date goes, I think there should be a level of reciprocation. Maybe the guy takes me to dinner but I invite him to dessert after. Or he gets ice creams the first time and I get them the second time.

Further down the road, it is my opinion that whoever earns more should do more of the paying, no matter if it is the man or the woman. I don't think that anyone earning less should be subsidizing someone earning more.

Those are my thoughts on who should pay on dates. Hope they were helpful. What are your thoughts on thoughts on the matter? Tell me in the comments!


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Comments

  1. wonderful thoughts. Not every date has to include food. the idea should be spending time with the person :)

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  2. Hmm... The moment at the end of the dinner is awkward if the lady asks to pay for herself, I think.
    If the case is that I have asked the lady out, I have always made sure to be the one asking for the check and in a manner that the server always have brought it to me, unambiguously showing what my intentions are. Her offering in this case to share the check to me means like she is saying "Thanks for the time, but I am not interested in you, you should not expect this will go anywhere."
    Which will make me think twice if I should ask her out again... perhaps not.

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    1. Well, you have very good manners! However, don't assume your date doesn't like you if she offers to pay. She probably just has good manners too. If she INSISTS on paying, then you should clarify if she wants to go out again.

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  3. If I'm the one asking I usually pay but usually just gonna meet for lunch or a beverage and maybe take a walk to me money should not be a factor within reason I like to think ppl are mature enough to understand that certain questions should not be asked until you know them I once had a woman insist on paying because she didn't think I could afford it eventually we couldn't even chat anymore because she judged me by how much I made and she didn't own her condo her brother in law who was a tennis pro on Long Island did

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    1. Good that you offer to do something within your means and a shame that woman judged you. :(

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  4. For me it actually depends on our interaction and the date itself. If there's nothing there, no chemistry, no desire to continue, I'll accept an offer to split. If I'm still trying to evaluate if I'd like to continue, I'll respond to an offer to split with "why don't you get the tip", if we've already scheduled or I'm confident that we'll have a second date, I'll say you get next time.

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    1. Hi Andrew L. That seems like a very fair and reasonable strategy.

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  5. Just read this and meant to write about it on the hinge but it appears to have been eaten by the cloud. I usually pay but have found that traditional sit down dinner doesn't fire conversation as much as something simple and collaborative. Flying a kite, walking along the mall and each choosing a museum followed by a coffee, drink or meal. So much easier to talk when slightly distracted. Though I could be cracked. Who knows?

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    1. Hi Eric Keys. I totally agree with you. Action dates are more fun (and less fattening!). One of my most fun dates included going spontaneously to a trampoline park after a walk around the National Mall. I loved that! Almost puked though. haha

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  6. Great article! Definitely thought of all this before but nice for a lovely woman to put it down on paper 😉

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    1. Thank you very much Coachdubs! I am glad you liked it and thank you for calling me lovely!

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  7. Great read glad to hear from a woman's prospective. I suggest a meet at Starbucks. Offer to buy a beverage cost maybe 5 bucks. I have found that sometimes they want to buy there own. But if you asked you can spring for that. If there is more dates then that is different story before letting go of the 140 on a date.

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    1. You are spot on in your approach. I just hope you are using your own reusable tumbler!

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