The Distractions

So, I started writing a new book. I think the title is going to be called The Distractions. I don't know if it is going to be a second memoir or if I will market it as fiction.

Lord knows my life seems entertaining enough to be a novel at times.

What does the title mean? Well, it is based on how I have learned to approach dating. After the amount of ignoring and rejection I have been on the receiving end of, I started employing the technique of using one guy to distract from another.

Don't shake your head at me or roll your eyes. I know this technique sucks.

This is NOT an ideal situation.

First of all, there is my One True Tinder Love (OTTL) who I may or may not have started seeing again. Who knows? The fact is, I have seen him. Various times. Miraculously.

But, are we seeing each other?

I don't know.

He couldn't be more ambiguous and ambivalent toward me. I feel like maybe I should give him a new nickname: The Night King (as in, as cold as a White Walker).

The other day I asked him if he wanted to do something on Friday. His response?

Um, WTF does that mean? It is missing some critical punctuation. 

Is it,

"Yeah. Maybe not Friday." 

Or is it, 

"Yeah maybe. Not Friday."

So typical.

Normally this would cue an anxiety spiral, but I am now so used to it, I barely batted an eye.

As I told him recently: 

Now, you might think, "Well, if he can't even respond to you with a clear answer, forget him." 


Well, sadly, this is no different from the level of clarity and commitment I experience from EVERYONE, including my best friends.

At least half of the times I ask people to do something they ignore me. I basically have to harass people into hanging out with me. 

So, does that mean I should make an EXCEPTION for him and NOT keep asking him like I keep asking everyone else?

Should I treat him differently if he isn't treating me differently than anyone else treats me?

How am I supposed to know what my standards are supposed to be when I am constantly forced to choose between lowering them or becoming a recluse?

And then there is number 62.

He keeps reappearing yet also continuously rejects me and sporadically ignores me. However, every time we hang out, we have such a nice time together. I just don't get why he doesn't want to be with me. Plus, he is a huge fan of my blog. How can he read my blog and NOT love me?? It makes no sense! 

Why is it that the people we like don't like us back?!  And the ones we don't like are the ones who want us?

So, #62 distracts me from my OTTL and then to distract myself from him, I try out new people. 

I went on a date with a 25 year old the other week. It was a blast. He was charming and handsome and fun. Like me, he is also from Maine.

He cracked me up when he told me, "Sometimes I wake up at 10 and make myself a peanut butter and fluff sandwich. Did you know they don't sell fluff here? I have my mom ship it to me."

Ahhh... gotta love 25 year olds. 

I guess I can at least take solace in the fact that while guys in their 30's ignore me, guys in their twenties still want to go out with me.

But, I am just so exhausted from swiping and talking to strangers and disappointment and, between my OTTL and #62, I can't really think about anyone else.

And, since both of them ignored me all weekend... what did I do? 

I distracted myself doing something I haven't done in a really, really long time.

I bingewatched TV all weekend long.

Sex and the City to be exact. I rationalized it by calling it "research." 

As I told #62 recently, I wish I didn't need to keep having distractions and could just have one main attraction. 

But, at this point...

I think that main attraction is going to just be...


Well, me and Carrie and Samantha and Charlotte and Miranda.

How do you cope with dating in the 21st century? Tell me in the comments!

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  1. What’s with “I think that main attraction is going to just be …me”? I hope you don’t think you’re settling? There is no “just.” You are smart, funny, kind and sensitive, and wonderful company. A shame to waste all that on self-centered and rude man-children (of any age) that treat you as less than you deserve, as a back-up plan. Sadly, neither a blog post, no matter how erudite, nor anything else for that matter, will cause them to suddenly wake up and realize, “oh, she’s amazing, I need to treat her the way she deserves!”

    As for the title of your next book, might I suggest “Redefining Dating Insanity” (as in “the definition of insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting a different result.”)

    Oh, while I’m at it, I’m going to call “bullshit” on “the level of clarity and commitment I experience from EVERYONE” and “I basically have to harass people into hanging out with me.” Reduced standards or life as a recluse huh? Methinks my lady hath set up a false dichotomy. ;-)

    1. Well, for your first paragraph Larry, I thank you. You are very sweet and kind and absolutely correct! :)

      Still like my title better.

      Well, maybe there is one potential exception.

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    1. I havent given up, but I've throttled back. Online dating was good for me. I'm introverted and have never been good at bars or chatting people up. Online gave me (still does) a way over the initial shyness. But for the last year or so, getting women to respond has become increasingly difficult. Am I less attractive? Maybe. Am I less charming? Of course not. So, what is it? Perhaps online fatigue. Thoughts?

      The thing I need to do now is get over some inertia and start joining more meetups, volunteering, etc., to meet people IRL, because I've hit doldrums in cyberspace...when you cant even get any Bumble matches after 6 weeks, something's wrong.

    2. I think online fatigue is definitely real. I myself am SICK of it. I can barely bring myself to swipe anymore. I am tired of looking at bad photos and I am tired of being ignored and ignoring people because I am too busy to respond to everyone.

      I agree, and so does my mom. Try to meet people IRL. Let me know how it goes. I'll be too busy watching SATC.

  3. I find your lack of fortune in dating baffling. You could quite possibly be one of the most intriguing individuals I’ve come across.


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