He's out there.

[WARNING: The following is a rant. Single ladies, let me know if you identify.]

People are always telling me:

You'll find him.
He's out there.
It will happen when you least expect it.

I don't want to be rude, so I just say, "Thank you."

But in my head? I am saying, "OMG. STOP."

Can we just please live in reality? Can we stop with the fairy tale? The reality is that the odds of me finding someone I would be interested in who would be interested in a 43 year old are strongly against my favor... It's just probably not going to happen.

Or are you a fortune teller?

No? I did't think so.

So please, just stop. Seriously.

I mean, my spark rate is less thank 4%!

People tell me, "Guys will be lined up to go out with you." Well, maybe. But just because they are lined up doesn't mean I want to go out with them. Do I have no say in the matter? Is what I am attracted to irrelevant? Why do people say things like this?!

How about instead let's talk about something meaningful:

Am I happy?
How do I keep a positive attitude?
Do I even want a boyfriend?
Do I need one?

I don't like to focus on what I don't have; I like to focus on what I do have.

And so should you if you are going to say something about it.

How about tell me how great it is that I am independent?
That you like my attitude toward life when things didn't turn out as I would have wanted?
That you think I'm lucky to have such supportive parents and such cool friends?

Or you know what? You don't even have to say anything.

Unless I ask.

So, on behalf of your single friends, I beseech you, if we ask you to make us feel hopeful, then yeah, go ahead. Tell us he's out there.

But otherwise, please, just stop.

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  1. This is, to state the obvious, something that happens much more to women than it does to men. I'm 46, never been married, and the topic and phrase have only come up a handful or two of times over the years. Thankfully. Of course, I have been asked if I'm gay because I haven't been married or during times where I went long periods without dating. I count myself lucky that friends and family don't harp on the point. But then they probably have up on me a long time ago.

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience and for being appreciative of the difference here between what we face. Hopefully you are just doing awesome on your own and it is by choice. :)

    2. I'm doing well, if not awesome, and sometimes it is and sometimes not. If that makes sense.

    3. Well good for you!!! :) I am glad to know a man can relate. I was afraid of offending my male readers.

    4. Takes a bit to offend me �� And I'm easily relatable

  2. What is worse is when they say they will fund me someone. As if I am incapable and they can do better than I. I was married once. It ended after 7 years. I regret it not because of how much I learned and grew from it. But I am happy being single. Same as with you, I haven't felt much of a spark for any man I have met lately. Maybe I am being too picky but I will know it when it happens and it has not happened yet. And I don't need anyone's help. Thank you but no thank you.

    1. Yay to being happy in whatever relationship state we find ourselves and yay to not settling! :)


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