The Three Types of Guys

There are three types of guys in the dating world.

The first type just wants to bang you.

The second type actually wants a relationship.

The third type?

He pretends to be the second type but he is really the first type. Not only is this guy lying to you, he is lying to himself. He is not even self-aware enough to realize what he is doing. Because of this, it is easy to get manipulated by him because he really thinks he is a “nice” guy and he acts like one. But, beware: he is not. And (additional warning), he usually sucks in bed too.

Ladies, watch out for the Third Type.

And gentleman, please, take a moment to reflect on what you really want so you can avoid being a Third Type. I know you don't want to be “that guy.”

A Third Type entered my orbit recently.

His Bumble profile literally said, "No hook-ups, looking for travel and life partner."

So, I believed it.

I usually have such good radar too. But, like I said, those Third Types are hard to see through because they are even lying to themselves.

Our first date was great! The vibe was SO GOOD I even wondered, “Um, is it possible that I met my next boyfriend??”

But, for our second date? He proposed that I cook for him.

In his defense, on our first date I had mentioned that I am a good cook. But, when I gently told him that I know what "cooking" means and I was not ready to serve myself up for dessert so soon, he acted shocked that I would think that was his intention.

And, I truly believe he thought he was shocked.

(see lack of self awareness above)

So, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we met for drinks instead and again we had a great time.

But, when he proposed that for our third date "we do something like chill and watch a movie," I started to realize I was probably actually dealing with a Third Type.

Um, NO...

No, I really didn't want to "chill" and "watch a movie" with a man who is "looking for a travel and life partner" with whom I have only spent a combined five hours* after two dates.

*He had ended both dates after 2.5 hours so he could go home to bed in order to get up early for the gym. Um... #priorities #justbetired #liveinthemoment #what

I mean, according to his profile, he was a Second Type! Shouldn't he be trying to get to know me?

I countered with "How about we do something interactive and in public?"

I explained that I wasn't trying to rush things; I wanted to actually get to know each other.

And then my suspicion was confirmed...

He explained he felt the "same way but the inverse." His concern was "what if I get to know you more and we have no chemistry during sex?"

Translation: You are not worth getting to know as a human because we might not be compatible in bed.

Also translation: My motivation here is purely sexual but I am going to pretend otherwise, especially to myself.

No thanks.

I am not desperate anymore. With a 94% displeasure rate, I am over that.

So, here is some unsolicited advice...

Dear Number 113,

Change your profile. You don't have to say that you expect to get naked by date two, just remove the part about no hook-ups. It isn't necessary to put at all and it is very misleading because it gives the impression that you are actually serious about taking your time getting to know someone.

Be transparent about what your intentions are rather then offering things like "chilling" and "movies" and "cooking." I would have thought you were way, way cooler if you had told me, "I am so attracted to you and I just want to get you alone as soon as possible."

Don't manipulatively pressure people into having sex with you. If your intentions are actually more than just sexual, don't talk about sex so soon. Value the opportunity to actually get to know another really cool human.

Finally, if you are intentions are just sexual, just be honest about it. Be a First Type. Those guys are actually good guys.

Good luck out there. It is rough.



[Note to my readers: before you crucify me in the comments that maybe I am wrong about this guy and maybe I am being unfair, please be aware that, for the sake of brevity, I can't always include every single detail of a story and that you need to just trust me.]

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  1. as always a good analysis and it should provoke some introspection all around

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  4. From the other side.As someone that had been out of the dating scene for 37 years, a different perspective. I think I am a type II. But, the few months I have been back, being a II, gets me moved to a "Friend zone". I don't mind having female friends, in fact I do rather enjoy it. Good company, some laughs, no pressure, pretty good. But I miss the days of meeting through friends and not having to vett someone before actually dating. You met someone, they were either ok because friends of friends knew them, so you could trust your chemistry and gut. Now everyone is on their guard because both women and men are afraid of either getting hurt, used, or heavem forbid, actually finding someone.
    So, I think I am a number I. But not sure if I can stay. I think becoming a I or III would be easy, but I don't believe you can truly have a proper physical relationship without having the trust to really communicate with a partner. And sex is just a small part of the equation. You have to want to be with your love.
    Loving someone AND being in love is what, I think, is what the human condition really wants and needs.
    I could go on, but I have probably wandered enough.
    Peace and
    Good luck to all

    1. Hi Obi Wan Budobi. I think most of what you said is on point. The only part I disagree with is that you think that being a 2 gets you moved to the friend zone. If are back on the scene after 37 years, that means it is going to be a bit more challenging as an older person to find a mutual attraction. I'd say it more has to do with aging than with you being a type 2. That just sucks all around, but sadly, it is how it is.

  5. The "third type of guy"...doesn't want or need a relationship to make himself satisfied. Instead, he puts more emphasis on becoming the best version of himself...usually from interacting with other people (friends, loved ones, and even strangers)...and learning how they perceive him. And if he is so lucky to find someone who both challenges & inspires him to be simultaneously vulnerable while also being the best version of himself--then perhaps the relationship becomes just the byproduct of all that. The third type of guy is out there still. #notaunicorn

    1. I think you misunderstood this post. The third type of guy is a liar and a manipulator. You are describing someone who sounds cool.

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