What happened to Prince Charming?


Gentleman.

I can't speak on behalf of all women, so I will tell you what I want and need from you with the assumption that, if not completely universal to all women, it is universal enough that it should help you in your dating endeavors.

What I need is CHARM.

C-H-A-R-M. Charm.

What happened to charm? Where did it go? Did it get lost in swiping world? In a culture where men seem to have lost their powers of flirtation and seduction because they live in constant fear of being perceived as offensive or creepy?

I don't know, but it is blatantly missing from almost all of my dating interactions.

I want charm in my life so badly that for a while I even had my tinder profile say:

Looking for someone to literally charm my pants off.

I thought that would get the message across but sadly, I did not notice an increase in messages that charmed me. It may have even had the opposite effect... I am not that dumb though - my expectations were not high that it would be successful.

Anyway, think about it: he isn't called Prince Handsome or Prince Smarty Pants or Prince Moneybags. He is called Prince Charming. Why is he named Prince Charming?

Probably because charm can make all the difference.

Most of my dates have been with nice men. I really have very few bad date stories. Just two, to be exact. I'd say that's a pretty good statistic given how bad my dating statistics are, which is probably why I am such a fan of men and can write stories about nice gentleman and posts like In Defense of Men.

However, as you know, my spark rate is really low and I think a contributing factor to that may be that though my dates are nice, they are not charming. Although sparks usually do or do not fly inherently, I have come to the realization that they can also possibly be ignited by, you guessed it, some CHARM.

I googled "charm" and this is what Google gives us as the definition:

the power or quality of giving delight or arousing admiration.

Yes! You can AROUSE admiration. Maybe I would think you are not my type when I first see you but you have the power to arouse my admiration. How cool is that? You have the power!

Remember this song? Now you can play it before you go on a date and remind yourself "I've got the power!" You're welcome.



When I met Date #33, his non-stop compliments about how beautiful I was combined with his charming delivery, as if he couldn't believe he was actually sitting next to such a rare and amazing creature, were not only totally flattering but they made HIM a lot more attractive to me. I really don't think I would have been into him at all if he hadn't been so darn charming and he succeeded in charming me all the way back to his place.

Maybe you want to be charming but you don't now how? Well, here a few things that will cause me to melt if I ever end up on a date with you:
  1. Be confident. Even if you don't feel like you are, just pretend. I agreed to go out with you so you or your genes must have done something right - show me you KNOW you've got this.
  2. COMPLIMENT. Look me in the eyes when you do it. Tell me I am pretty/beautiful/sexy/whatever, just make me feel that as a masculine man you appreciate the feminine woman I am.
  3. If I compliment you, accept my compliment and say thank you. If you try to be self deprecating, you might be attempting to be humble but what you are really doing is telling me I have bad taste. That is insulting. Don't insult me after I just said something nice to you! Also, see #1 above and if you can't bring yourself to say thank you, see number #2 above and just respond with a compliment back.
  4. Wink! Winks are the best! Just a simple wink will work wonders. They also demonstrate confidence. We all should wink at each other more. It is such a fun and flirty way to say "Heyyyyyyyyy! I see you!! I like what I see!" 
  5. Eye contact! Look me in the eyes! And look INTO my eyes. If you like me, show me with your eyes. Give me a vibe. If you don't, how will I even know you are interested? I have been on so many dates that after which when the man asked me out a second time, it came as a complete shock because in no moment did he give me any vibe that he was even mildly interested. That sounds like something that should happen in Opposite World. It makes no sense. 
  6. Say my name! What word is more charming to our own ears than our name? By the way, I am obsessed with this song:


And guess what the good news is? You don't have to just be charming on dates. You can be charming all the time! You can practice on friends, parents, co-workers, waitstaff, flight attendants, baristas, the grocery checkout person. Wouldn't you love to have people saying behind your back, "He is so charming!!" 

So help me out? Let's bring back the charm. I know that I for one am definitely not settling for anything less than my Prince Charming.


***
Is charm missing in your life too? Do you have any seductive tricks up your sleeve? Tell me in the comments!


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Comments

  1. Thanks J Pa. I appreciate all your supportive comments on my posts!

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  2. Your advice is right on target. Especially when you suggest being charming all the time.

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  3. I read each post three times. First to get the message, second to appreciate the subtleties, and third to cherish the way you write. All three were brilliant, but the video wink still has me smiling.

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    Replies
    1. Wow Larry, thank you! That is so flattering!

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  4. Being a single Dad I find it important to teach my son to be a gentleman. We call it "Gentleman Training" and he is learning from the best ;) Holding doors, saying "please" and "thank you", helping someone pick up something they dropped.

    I watch him hold doors for people who do not acknowledge him, and have wondered myself what has changed in this world. Sometimes I have to tell a woman "he is holding the door for you" just for him to get a thank you. But I don't give up and neither does he because everything is worth it when he get's the biggest THANK YOU!

    So it is still out there, many women have told me "chivalry isn't dead" as I hold a door open for them. That comment makes me think it is a sadly rare thing these days.

    Good thing you can usually tell if a date is going to be good in the first minute or so :)


    Wally

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    1. Thank you Wally for teaching your son to be a gentleman and for being a good role model. You are giving him lessons that will help him stand out in the crowd!

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  5. Enjoyed reading your post - actually made me think hard and gave me a lot of confidence back (haven't dated much since the divorce a few years ago). Now I fell pumped up - charm, wit, enthusiasm - those are my strengths! Time to go forth and show the women of the world (ok, at least the women of Northern Virginia) that Prince Charming does exist, he just drives a car and wears a business suit now instead of a white horse and armor.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah!!!! I am SO glad to read this and to have given you some confidence. You got this!

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