In Defense of Men

[I realize this comes across as a sweeping generalization. That is because it is a sweeping generalization.]

I don't like some of the narratives that we use to describe men. And, I don't just mean "we" as in women, I mean "we" as in all of us.

We describe men as "pigs" and "jerks." How many times have you heard "all men are pigs?" Or, "Guys are jerks."

I don't like that.

Sure, of course some men leave a lot to be desired in the behavior department. But saying that all men are pigs and all guys are jerks?

That is terrible.

If that is the language we are using, what expectations are we setting? What standards do we expect men to have for themselves?

Low ones.

Who wins when standards are low? No one.

There is also a narrative that women are "better" than men. I don't like that either and I think that narrative breeds both misogyny and laziness.

Men are different from women, they are motivated differently, they communicate differently, they have different needs than we do.

So why do we expect them to be like us? And why do we think that if they are not, they are not as good? Why do women act like women are superior to men?

I've too often heard, "I had to train my husband." What?! That is so condescending. I hate it.

It grates on my nerves when women use the narrative "I am not his mother" about a messy partner.

If your man happens to be messy and you happen to "have to" clean up after him? I have news for you: A. You don't actually have to; that is your choice. B. There are some messy people and some neat people. So if you ended up in a relationship with a messy man? Well, you probably knew that going into it. So maybe stop expecting him to change? Stop saying you are not his mother because you are not his mother. You are the neat one. And if you want things neat, I recommend you straighten them up yourself and stop expecting your man to be you. Remember that you are with your partner for OTHER reasons than his tidiness. And you know what? Instead of judging him that he doesn't care whether or not the laundry gets put away, maybe admire his laidbackedness instead and think about the ways that benefits other aspects of your relationship.

Oh, and the narrative that men don't know how to express their feelings or communicate? Well, maybe they just do it differently.

And maybe, they really do JUST want/need to have sex sometimes. Maybe that is how they feel loved and appreciated and is the attention that they need and desire. Withholding that doesn't do any favors for oneself or one's relationship.

I know ladies, sometimes the truth hurts. But, like, biology.

Men have some great qualities that are not celebrated enough.

Personally, I like that men are often just straightforward and unabashed about saying what they want and what they need.

Sexually too. Men are so lucky. They aren't afraid to ask for what they want. And they are most likely not worrying if you are bored while you are giving them attention in certain areas, unlike women who definitely worry if we are taking too long when they return the favor. In certain ways, it would benefit us to be more like them!

Also, they pretty much all seem to think they are handsome. They also all seem to think they have great bodies and are well endowed, even when they do not and are not.

You should see some of the shirtless selfies I swipe left on. Totally untoned mirror selfie showing off his "physique" when his physique consists of a gut and about zero muscles? WHY?! I don't know.

But you know what? If they look at themselves that way, I am pretty sure they are looking at us that way too. We are so self critical of our stretch marks and cellulite and every tiny imperfection. Do you think guys without perfect pects and perfect six packs (um, most men) care that you have a little cellulite? I doubt they even notice.

From my experience, men really do want to please women. I can practically see a man's chest puff up when I tell him that a compliment he gave me about my blog made my day or made me smile. They love to make us smile. They love to make us happy.

Sometimes, they are not good at it, of course. But the good ones? The ones that are still often criticized and condescended to? They still keep trying.

And men, they are strong and they are usually taller (than me at least) and they are helpful. I just absolutely die when a man helps me lift my suitcase into the overhead bin without me even asking for help or one asks me if I need help carrying something.


God, I just love a chivalrous gentleman.

Is there anything sexier??

So let's change the narratives about men. Let's appreciate our differences. Ladies, let's stop acting like we are superior and remember that we are just different. Let's celebrate our differences and take the best from each of us. And men? Help us out - you're so good at it when you want be.


Please don't crucify me in the comments.

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  1. So true. Great post. And yes, I do think I'm very handsome :)
    And I've never once thought a woman might be bored while she's performing on me...I could she be?!

  2. I guess if you NEED a man in your life to complete you and are DESPERATE for attention from men, by all means, play into their egos, praise them all for the mere fact they're men, and put your standards aside.

    The world is not black and white. Having that as one's mindset is why the world is so screwed up today and why a dirt bag like TRUMP is our president. Someone said, "Ah..he's not so bad. You should admire his confidence and charm and the belief he's so superior. More people should think like TRUMP."

    Sweeping generalizations of ANY kind are dangerous and speak to dislike and delusions about yourself, which, in turn, lead to dislikes and delusions about others. I think it's important NOT to give every Tim, Dick, Harry, and Donald the benefit of the doubt and instead maintain a set of standards when it comes to a person's intellect and ability to reflect on their actions, words, and deeds.

    Yeah, for sure, men are different than women...BIOLOGICALLY! But in the end, we're all human and the onus is on each of us to respect ourselves, the environment, and all living things. If we don't, respect and consideration should NOT be expected.

    1. Yes, of course. This is about the "good" men. Maybe I should have titled it "In Defense of the Good Men Out There." Obviously bad and inconsiderate behavior is inexcusable from any gender.

    2. Abdo, I don't know if your "Amen" is in response to the post, to Paula's comment, or to my response to her. :)

    3. To your post , ��

    4. Thank you Adbo. I am glad you liked it!

    5. I read this and threw my hands up in the air in hallelujah! Thank you so much for writing this. The modern narratives of guys has made me personally feel like a kicked puppy. Guys aren't perfect but damn we sure are trying! (That's why we need you ladies! Like mirrors we stand in front of each other.) We're all different and understanding/celebrating those differences between us is the key to harmony. Thanks again for writing this. It's highly appreciated.

    6. I am so glad you liked it, Unknown. This is one of the posts I am most proud of. People always ask me what my blog is about and I guess the easy answer is "dating" because that is the majority of what I write about. But, the real goal here is to improve gender relations and promote kindness. I am so glad you appreciated my thoughts. Thanks for telling me.


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