Dating App Interview

[Disclaimer: the purpose of this post is entirely for selfish efficiency. Hopefully, you will still find it entertaining. If not, apologies in advance.]

So, I get the same questions and comments over and over on dating apps. I thought I'd make it easy on myself and just compile an interview of myself based on a compilation of these messages so I don't have to keep repeating myself. Now I can just send this handy link instead! ;)

App Guys (AG): What do you like to do for fun?
Me: I love to travel, hang out with my friends, make new friends, ski, spend time at the beach or the pool, and be active. I like to throw parties and entertain. I spend most of my time on relationship building and communicating with people I know and people I don't know. I love to learn about people. I just started this blog recently so I like to talk about that a lot. Currently, I am obsessed with Google Analytics.

AG: Where are you from?
Me: I am a very proud Mainer.

AG: Will you sit on my face?
Me: Maybe eventually but probably not if that is the first question you ask me.

AG: Are you a bot?
Me. I am not a bot. When I am dead I will rot. Can a bot write poetry right on the spot? I think not.

AG: Are you into younger guys?
Me: I am into attractive, fit guys. Why do you guys always ask me that?

AG: I've always loved older women.
Me: Gahhh. Please don't remind us that we are older.

AG: Do you like facials?
Me: Only by licensed aestheticians.

AG: Are you ready for the weekend?
Me: Is anyone ever NOT ready for the weekend?

AG: Do you have weekend plans?
Me: I almost always have plans.

AG: Can I take you out for drinks?
Me: I actually don't drink but I can be very charming over ice water with a straw.

AG: Why don't you drink, if you don't mind me asking?
Me: I just have never been interested in alcohol. I have never been drunk in my life. Never had a hangover.

AG: Would you like to meet for coffee?
Me: I don't drink coffee. How about an activity where we get some exercise, like a walk? That way, if we repel each other, at least we were both productive and no one has to spend any money.

AG: How's your Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday etc etc
Me: Can you please ask me something more original? Or even just, "How was your day?" is better. I don't know why this question irks me so much when posed this way but it just does. Sorry. [I think this in my head, I don't actually say this one. I usually just answer politely while rolling my eyes.]

AG: What's your favorite position?
Me: Democratic.

AG: What brings a beautiful woman like you to Tinder/Bumble?
Me: I am here for a lot of reasons. I like talking to people. On the rare occasions when you match someone and spark into a rapid fire conversation it can be so much fun! I am here for male attention. I am here to hopefully get more readers for my blog. I am here to find true love. I am here for maybe other things I won't mention on my blog since my parents read my blog.

AG: What are you looking for in a guy?
Me: I am looking for someone whose vibe makes me high.

AG: How tall are you?
Me: 5'3"

AG: Hey.
Me: Hey.

AG: Hi.
Me: Hi.

AG: What's your blog about?
Me: OMG. Don't be so lazy. [Again, I don't write this but this is what I am thinking. I actually don't have a good answer for this one. Life lessons? Navigating the dating app world? Help me out guys. What IS my blog about?]

AG: How are you single?
ME: I guess you're gonna need to wait for the book to come out for the answers to that one.

What are your favorite pick up lines? Conversation topics? Tell me in the comments!

Tell me how you found me!

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  1. I like your responses to the sexual questions--especially the facial one--that's pretty hilarious. I never understood the appeal of going early with those types of questions. Its like they've never talked to a woman before or gotten advice from their female friends.

    I'm not one for lines. Some guys can pull it off--I can't. I'm usually one, if I'm reading a profile, to ask about something in the profile. You cook? What's your favorite recipe. You dance? Anywhere locally to take lessons?

    Then again, I'm still single w a low response rate from women, so maybe I should switch it up and ask about facials...

    1. Hi John. I am glad you found my answer hilarious. If you are commenting on something in the profile, that is good. I definitely am way more responsive and excited to talk to people who tell me they read my blog.

  2. You're not a bot? That's hot! And often sought. But I bet you get that a lot. That's all I've got. :)

    1. OMG!! Awesome! I love when I get rhymes back! Good job! Thank you!

  3. Glad to see that I haven't asked you any of those questions :)

  4. I'm smiling ear to ear. That was awesome. And I'm a guy who just joined bumble. I wish I had that much wit. Good luck with your (not) relationship.

    1. Hi kz1000guy, thanks for your comment. I am so sorry it took me two years to respond. I don't know how that happened. Anyway, I hope two yours later your bumble experience was a good one and that you have increased your wit!


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