I get a lot of proactive apologies from people for possibly being "creepy."

The other day a very nice stranger sent me a lovely email about my blog and then promptly apologized for his own possible creepiness saying he hoped I wouldn't think he was a "creeper:" This is what I told him:

Don't worry about being a "creeper." I have people saying this to me every day, "I wanted to reach out but I didn't want to seem creepy." Or, "I wanted to compliment you but I didn't want to seem creepy." Don't worry about it!! If you are a nice, kind, genuine human and someone thinks you are creepy, that is their problem, not yours."

What is up with this fear of being perceived as a creep? Or perceiving people as creeps who are just being nice?

We all need to calm down.

We need to stop being so afraid of each other. I hate it.

If you have something nice to say to someone, say it.

Compliments are a gift! They can uplift our whole mood, brighten our day, encourage us. Learn how to give and take them. Give compliments that are respectful, genuine, kind, and confidence boosting.

If you are on the other end and someone says something nice to you, accept it. Say thank you! Realize that they might have had to build up their courage to say it and that they might be afraid of how they are going to be perceived.

If you are someone who doesn't know how to give or receive compliments, fix that!

However, if you are an actual creep who doesn't know how to engage appropriately with people and respect boundaries, then knock it off. Reflect on that and fix that.

The other day a man on Instagram complimented me on my bunions of all things. He then private messaged me and told me has a foot fetish and particularly likes bunions and he liked mine. But you know what? His compliment was nice. He was polite. Who cares if he has a foot fetish? Some people just like what they like. I could have thought that was creepy but you know what? If I chose to think that, I would have missed out on having his compliment actually make me feel less self conscious about how my feet look!

So yeah, just worry about if you are nice and kind and encouraging and supportive and if someone takes that as creepiness, move on and share your good vibes with someone who will appreciate them.

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  1. The feminazis are to blame...

    p.s. Love how the spelling suggestion for feminazis is "feminism."

    1. Well, I was just talking about this to someone today. I think that may be part of it but I also think we can blame people that make inappropriate comments and don't respect boundaries who ruin it for women who become hypersensitive to even innocent remarks who then ruin it for men who just want to be nice and then it is ruined people like me who really do appreciate kind words and walk around feeling invisible most of the time because everyone is afraid to even make eye contact. There isn't one party to blame. Everyone can be nicer, kinder, more open, less judgmental, more welcoming, more generous.

    2. The problem is that society has become way too over-sensitive. And it happened because of feminazis and being politically correct.
      Society has rules and boundaries. Obviously, there are always going to be those few that don't play by the rules. There are always going to be mentally sick people who go around in trench coats flashing people (I am taking this to the extreme to make a point.)
      But it's these two factors, primarily (there are a couple others, but they're not as relevant here), feminism and political correctness, that has literally changed society for the worst, and moved the "appropriate" level way too far. And now you get what you get.
      It's also interesting to note, though it's nothing new for me, that in the country that prides itself on "freedom of speech," people are afraid to freely speak. An "oh-la-la" might not be appropriate for one woman, but it might be very appropriate for another. Like you said "Some people just like what they like." Some people like rougher language, some like softer and sweeter. If one doesn't like - show it, if it offends you. Or ignore it, if you don't want to make a point. There's no need to change and pervert (and I use this word here on purpose) society to the point that it is today.

  2. I am sorry you have such a sweepingly negative view of feminists, as I am a feminist. I think you make valid points but they would be more compelling if not so generalized. I have a future post coming out called In Defense of Men though which I think you will appreciate.

    1. Hi Anonymous. Feminism simply means "the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes." As a feminist, of course I support that. I think that women should be able to have the right to do whatever men have the right to do. I would hope you would support that as well.

    2. "It just makes you a normal human being."
      Textbook definition from reality differs quite a bit. Which is why I wouldn't describe you as a feminist.

    3. As for generalizations - I just don't have the time to write out all of my thoughts on this.
      But for whatever reason, I thought you would have figured out who this is, and what I said would snap together :-)

      Oh well, either way, my comment didn't succeed in its purpose. :-(

    4. Textbook definition IS the definition. Let's stick with proper definitions of words because that is just all this very literal gal knows how to do. Thanks for reading my blog - I hope you continue to do so!

    5. In reality not always. Words change. Perceptions change.
      If I say "swag" I doubt you'll think of the "proper" definition. Instead, you'll think of the definition that society has put to the word these days.


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