[This is part 2 of a 4 part story. You can read part 1 here.]

Ten called me: the cute, blonde girl (CBG) saw my Desperation blog.

She sent it to him.

He saw the blog.

I had not told him that I had written it.

He was not happy.

Luckily, he wasn’t mad at me. Why should he be? What I had written was empathetic and probably more than fair. I was relieved he wasn’t mad at me though. I think it says a lot about both of us that neither one of us got mad at the other for what he had done or the fact that I had written about it, especially since now it was affecting his life.

But he was upset; he liked this girl. That had been their first date and he wanted to continue seeing her.

I felt bad for him.

But, honestly, my first reaction (in my head) was, “OMG!!!  She saw my blog?!!?!!  How???  This is so exciting!!”

(sorry Ten)

Ten hadn’t been fully honest with CBG about the situation so she learned the whole truth in the blog: how long we had been seeing each other, how we met. His dishonesty was now staring him in the face, on his phone - on anyone’s phone.

I was sympathetic because it had just been their first date, the situation was unexpected and shocking, handling it correctly is easy with hindsight. But in the moment? On a first date? How much had he actually needed to divulge to her? I mean, he certainly wasn’t expecting this to be made public. And also, he hadn’t done anything wrong to her.

I offered him empathy. But I also told him this was an opportunity for him to reflect on his character. Why hadn’t just simple honesty been his go-to response? This was an opportunity for him to learn the lesson that honesty truly is the best policy. Always. No exceptions. He wasn’t defensive; he agreed. I respected that.

We talked for a while, trying to figure out how to process the situation. This was the first time we ever really talked to each other as friends. We are always friendly when we see each other, but we are not friends. That is why I can’t call him a Friend with Benefits, why I call him a Not Boyfriend.

But in this conversation, something changed between us. I became his friend. I tried to offer him support and to help formulate the apology that he needed to give this girl. This was at my own expense because if things proceeded with them, that meant I wasn’t going to have him in my life anymore. But if he really liked her, I had to support him.

I hoped for his sake that CBG would forgive him. Despite his mistakes, Ten is a nice person. He deserves a second chance. People make mistakes. We can judge Ten for the mistakes he made and think that if we were in his shoes, we would have done a better job. I think, however, it is better to judge Ten on how he addressed his mistakes once he had time to process them and also, yes, once he had to admit and face them. He did so with reflection and sincerity. I think that says just as much about his character and I give him credit for that.

If she doesn’t forgive him though, it would mean that for the time being I would still be able to see Ten. But, the most ironic thing is that now I think I don’t want to. Because in that moment, when he converted us from just friendly to actual friends, he got to see the person that I am. He got to see that I was selfless, that I was kind, that I was supportive. He got to see how well he and I communicate with each other. He already knows we enjoy each other’s company and intimacy.

And yet, he doesn’t want me.

So now that he knows who I truly am, I feel rejected. Why doesn’t he want me? 

So, yeah, now there are feelings. Which means I probably can’t continue having a Not Relationship. Which means I probably can’t see Ten anymore. 

For Ten, this is a moment when he has to trust the universe: if they had showed up one minute earlier that night and missed me or four minutes later and I missed them, none of this would have happened.

If CBG doesn’t want to continue seeing him, maybe that situation saved them from beginning something that was not meant to be. Maybe it saved them both a lot of time and pain.

I don’t really know what I got out of it. Maybe someday I will know, maybe I never will. I don’t know if it matters.

Either way, I do feel bad for Ten but Karma dished out to him (maybe excessively) what he deserved for what he had done and for his dishonesty about it. Clearly he had a lesson to learn that night. I think he learned it.

That is what matters.

Udpate: Find out what happens next!!! 

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  1. Wow! This is so interesting. Definitely the universe teaching him a lesson. Now CBG will have an interesting story to tell!

    1. Thank you! I am glad you liked it. And yeah, CBG sure does.

    2. Sometimes the digital world is a small place, but I wouldn't expect it to be that small!

      It's an interesting question, though - if you're looking for a relationship, when does a Not Relationship become an issue, and how should you deal with it? To put it mildly it's not anything I'm likely to ever need to have a position on, but I'm still curious.

    3. That is a great question. If you are looking a real relationship, you have to make sure you do not prioritize seeing Not Boyfriends at the expense of pursuing something real. They have to be squeezed in when there is the lowest opportunity cost.

      Yes, small world, stay tuned, maybe you will find out how she found my blog. :)


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