Just say yes.

A lot of my readers have told me that Ten was a jerk or that I deserved better. Thank you, of course I know I deserve better, but what we deserve and what we get in life are sadly often misaligned. Sometimes, when we are desperate, we just have to take what we can get and make the best of it.

Many of you didn't understand why I would want to see him again. You had a hard time understanding our Not Relationship or why someone would want (actually, need) a Not Boyfriend.

Many of you thought I should just get a new Not Boyfriend. It amused me that you made it sound like that is something easy to do. It is not. Trust me - I have statistics on this. I have kept track of all my Bumble/Tinder dates and out of the 78 men I have met so far, I have only felt a minimal and mutual spark with three. That is less than 4%!! Ten and I were both really lucky to have found each other, and to have the Not Relationship that we had. These things are neither easy nor common.

Many of you, who are in relationships, told me, "You aren't desperate!"

(thank you for thinking that, I'll take it as a compliment)

I can understand why my desperation is hard for those of you in relationships to understand. I can understand because I was married.

I know what it is like to be in a position to be able to tell someone who is next to you, who desires you, "No" because you are too tired or because you aren't in the mood or because they didn't just unload the dishwasher when they saw it was clean.

I get it.

When you are in the position of having someone next to you every night and being able to refuse them when you feel like it, when you take their presence for granted, it is easy to not understand desperation. But if you lose that luxury, you will understand it. I hope that never happens to you.

I don't recommend taking your partner for granted. I recommend always saying yes.

Like, always.

Even if they left the cap off the toothpaste for the thousandth time. Even if they didn't pick up after themselves and left their dirty laundry on the floor. Even if they left their dishes in the sink. Or not even in the sink but on the counter (!!!). Even if they didn't get around to doing that thing for you that you asked them to do three weeks ago. Even if you are tired, even if you are annoyed, even if you are not in the mood.

It doesn't have to take that long.

And if you don't want to do it for your partner, or for yourself, or for your relationship? Say yes because you are grateful that you have someone next to you, unlike so many of us.

Trust me, if you didn't understand my motivation for considering continuing to see Ten, consider yourself very lucky. Don't take that for granted.

You're lucky you don't understand what is like to feel desperate and I hope you never do.

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  1. I just wanted to let you know that I came across your blog through your Tinder profile (Yes, some people actually read those still).

    Reading through one after another, this one stuck out to me. I was married for 9 years before we separated...divorced a few years later. We both took each other for granted. I see that now. I learned the hard way. I tried to fix things too late. Since then, I've realized that it wasn't just my fault. I've realized that things were not as perfect as I thought they were. I was too comfortable in the marriage. I enjoyed having someone next to me in bed, having a best friend to tell everything to and the companionship. When it was lost, I felt desperate too.

    I truly hope that you find what you're looking for. I hope that the desperation we both feel vanishes when the right person comes along. I hope that men wise up and realize that d!ck pictures aren't a way to grab a woman's attention.

    Have a wonderful evening and I hope you have a great Memorial day weekend !

    1. Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to share your own story. Your words are important because so many people are in the position you described. I hope others learn from our mistakes. <3


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