Touch but don't feel


Don't get attached. Don't get attached. Don't get attached.

This is what runs through my head when someone hugs me. Or holds my hand. Or kisses me. Or is intimate with me.

Just enjoy the moment. Don't get attached. You might never see this person again.

How sad is that? Why does that have to be my narrative?

I hate it.

Isn't the point of dating to find someone to get attached to?

It doesn't seem that way anymore. Every past relationship I ever had we met and became boyfriend and girlfriend immediately and then we went on dates. What is this dating thing where you date someone to find out if you like them?

Everything is backwards now.

I don't like it.

Do you?  How can anyone like this?

"OMG App dating is so much fun!"

Said no one EVER.

Why do we have to satisfy physical needs while shutting down emotional ones? Can't we have both? Why are there so many walls put up? I am genuine. Can't you just be genuine with me?

People ask me if I think dating apps make people less likely to pursue something because there is so much selection. Why get attached if there might always be someone better to swipe on? I think that knowing that there is so much selection might make us more selective - that is not necessarily a bad thing. The bad thing is when people treat people like they are expendable and disposable because there are seemingly endless options at our fingertips. That's not cool.

However, I also know that if that spark is there, it is THERE.

I. WANT. THAT. SPARK.

How do I gauge my interest in someone? Well, after the date, do I want to keep swiping? If yes, then nope, he's not the one. But if I have no interest in swiping?  DING DING DING spark conversion rate is increasing!

That is what I want.

And if and when that ever happens?  Please please please allow me to get attached.



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Comments

  1. I dont know. On the one hand, this has obviously not worked for me in that I havent found "The One." But, as someone who can be a bit shy, and is terrible in the bars, and whose friends have all gotten married, as have their friends, I find the app to be helpful in meeting people. It's an introduction, and I try to play down expectations. A few initial texts or emails to get a sense of them and then a date. I'm looking for the spark, too (arent we all?) There have been several times where I thought I felt it and she didnt; most times neither of us felt it. And thats fine. I dont know that I've fallen into the trap of "another one around the corner on the interwebz," but who knows? I will say, unless there's a strong feeling about it, I usually try to get a second date if I'm at all ambivalent because I dont know if one or both of us have been off and, if that's the case, it may take a second or third date to confirm things. Do you think a spark is an immediate gut thing (first 10 minutes?) or is it something that, sometimes, takes a little more to find? Sometimes I wonder what I've missed out on if I pull the trigger too quickly. I know what they missed if they did :p

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    1. Not sure why that came up as unknown...it was me...

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  2. For me, the spark is usually immediate. Like the first second I see if there is potential. There has been one exception to that. The Hot Grab Guy in my First Kisses blog. He gave me that spark with his kiss.

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    1. Do you worry that you might have missed something special, or even "The One" by relying on an immediate spark?

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  3. I love your gauge as it's mine too! Want to delete the app and give them 100% of your attention? WINNER! Want to swipe and see what else is there? Bummer. But I agree these days that the overwhelming selection people have can condition them to always be wondering what's behind the next swipe and not put the effort into what's in front of them. And they could miss the spark. It's sad in a way, but it's what we've got these days.

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