"What a jerk."

Here's another narrative I don't like:

I don't like when we call people who don't reciprocate our feelings "jerks."

"What? He doesn't like you? What a jerk!"

No, not liking me doesn't make someone a jerk.

Emotions don't make people jerks. Actions do.

If his behavior toward me wasn't nice or respectful (leading me on, blowing me off, ignoring me) than yeah, he's a jerk.

But if he just doesn't like me?

Why do we try to make ourselves feel better about getting rejected by demonizing the people who don't like us back?

And then we say, "Oh, it's their loss."

No, actually, it isn't their loss. Not having someone they didn't want in the first place isn't a loss.

It's our loss when someone we like doesn't like us because we are the ones who wanted them.

How about if we just let it be okay to be sad when our feelings aren't reciprocated? Feel our actual feelings instead of turning sadness and disappointment into vilification? Then trust in the universe that there just must be something better meant for us?

Are you a jerk if you don't like someone? Nope.

Should you feel bad about it?

Nope.

Love is hard and unrequited love is pretty much the worst. But, turning on those who just don't like us back doesn't actually make us feel better. Does it?

I don't think so.

Let's stop that.


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Comments

  1. Please, lets define this sentence: "But, turning on those who just don't like us back doesn't actually make us feel better."

    What means exactly turning on them?

    Being rude, and insulting them back? I agree this is very low ball.

    But if they mislead you and you ended up hurting because of their actions, therefore you end up placing a firm border, so that person don't hurt you again in the same way... well that is all fair game, even if they "wanted to stay just friends" and now they feel you being rude by ignoring them.

    They not liking you is OK, same as you don't let them have anymore opportunities of hurting you.

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    1. Hi Svet. To turn on someone means to go from having a positive relationship to having a negative one, kind of like becoming enemies. I found this example, "to attack someone: I thought the strange dog was friendly, but suddenly it turned on me and bit me. Bob knows a lot about lions, and he says that no matter how well they are trained, there is always the danger that they'll turn on you."

      Yes, if they mislead you and hurt you because of their actions than they are a jerk and you don't need to expose yourself to them again. I think we are saying the same thing.

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