Let's talk about sex. Again.

[Mom and Dad, please go ahead and skip this one too. Please.]

First of all, I’d like to tell you how pleased I am with the response I got from my last post on this topic. My male readers seemed to both be empathetic to the lesson as well as grateful for the advice.

I received so many nice messages of gratitude for that blog post, which surprised me because I was afraid my male readers my might be offended by it. Their response, however, just reinforced my belief that men really do strive to do better and be better, as I wrote about in In Defense of Men.

So.... since my gentleman readers are such a willing audience (and ladies, I know you will appreciate this one), I'd like to use this platform to address a very troublesome phenomenon that plagues so many intimate encounters - orgasmic imbalance.

Through my own experience and that of my friends, I have come to learn that, sadly, many men seem to think that when they are done, the job is done.

This mindset needs to change!

This orgasmic imbalance can be no more!

So, if you are reading this and you are one of those guys, stop being that way!

If you tend to only use your largest tool in your toolbox and think that if she doesn't get relief before you or with you that it is just too bad for her because you did all you could with your large tool and her chance for satisfaction ends when you finish, you really need to consider how much opportunity you have to be a better man and human.

Can you believe that one time a guy had the nerve to say to me that I was being “needy” when I told him I needed relief too after he had gotten his?

I wanted to punch him in the face.

Women and men are created differently and it is just not easy for many of us! There is a serious flaw in the design of how our parts match up with yours and how what makes you finish doesn’t necessarily make us finish (like 70-80% of us!).

I have no idea why we were designed that way – maybe as a way to be able to weed out the good ones of you from the bad? The ones who will work with our design and needs and satisfy us?

We need you to care about our pleasure and let us know you care. We don’t want to be made to feel like we are “needy” (trigger word!!!) or that we take too long or that you are getting bored. That is what makes us take so long!! You have to help us relax, give us positive reinforcement and encouragement.

Don’t say to us in a bored tone after you finished as someone actually said to me, “What, so do you want me to finger you now?”

OMG. No. Please do not say that ever.

Just DO IT. Or something else. But do something!

Lastly, many men have proudly told me, "I always make sure she finishes first." Well, first of all, THANK YOU for caring BUT whyyyyyy do you think she would want to always finish first? How about taking turns? Let her finish last sometimes!! 

In summary, I leave you with this thought:

Repeat it, memorize it, remember it and abide by it:

NICE guys do not ALWAYS finish last.

On behalf of womankind, thank you.

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  1. this is a good time to examine my own post orgasmic behavior. See what I can do to improve, and break out of my own rut

  2. Good morning Jenni.
    Just read your “LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX. AGAIN.”...
    it truly put smile to my face.

    Every man, that comment, would say he can do better than that... very few would admit the opposite 🙂

    I will just say: I have had good and bad experiences, and all the good ones were when I was inspired by the lady to go the extra mile. It’s in the way she makes a man feel. It is like my satisfaction is not enough, and the act is as good as the finish... then you both want the act to continue...

    1. I like your attitude Svetoslav Kostadinov!

  3. In my experience, most women can finish first *and* last. Often, once is not enough.

    1. Well SteveMDFP, you are either doing something very right or your path is crossing with some very fortunate women.

    2. Well, I would hope so. I tried to meet with an interesting woman on OKC, a blog author and writer. But she stopped responding. Sigh. ;-)

  4. Evolutionarily speaking the female is designed for multiple lovers to make sure of conception! You are talking in a dating context. The first time with a new lover I pull out every trick that I have.

  5. "Don’t say to us in a bored tone after you finished as someone actually said to me, “What, so do you want me to finger you now?”
    OMG. No. Please do not say that ever.
    Just DO IT. Or something else. But do something!"

    I think, dear author, that you assume he knows what to do. I find it more likely that he's clueless about how to proceed. When men *feel* like they're being clueless, they often get defensive, even angry. I speak from the experience of having been on the offending side of this scenario -- many, many moons ago.

    This is a perfect example of why sex education needs to be much more explicit in our schools. Matrimonial harmony, one of the foundations of our civilization, is at stake. How can a man satisfy a woman sexually, when Peter isn't up to the task any longer? Men aren't educated in this, and intuition is often sorely lacking.

    It shouldn't be a woman's responsibility to provide basic education. And the throes of arousal pull for impatience, when patience is needed. But outside of the throes of arousal, it may all be too embarrassing or uncomfortable.

    So my suggestion is, rather than to simply state or complain, to put his hand (or face) where it's needed. Or pull out a battery-operated device, and ask him to proceed.

    Men are raised (or mis-raised) to think that they should intuitively know what a woman needs and wants. This is a ridiculous standard. *Breeding* may be innate, but being a good lover and partner requires education, training, and experience. Oh, and a positive attitude.

    1. Hi SteveMDFP. Please go back to the first sentence in what you messaged and look at the 7th and 8th words.

      Agree with you on sex education.

      Why should it NOT be a woman's responsibility to provide basic education?? Women SHOULD feel comfortable asking for what they want and need, in the bedroom and outside of it.

    2. Well yes, in an ideal world, every woman would feel empowered to explain exactly what she wants and needs from her lover. We don't live in an ideal world. Even well-empowered men feel awkward about explaining what they want and need from a lover. Women are often in a relationship with less power/authority/empowerment than their male partner.
      An overall dating/mating ethic really needs to be cultivated in our society. If one is going to be intimate with another, there's a responsibility to be a responsive lover, to be open to guidance in what the partner wants and needs. This should be basic, obvious, and universally understood, but it isn't.

    3. Welp. that is kind of the point of my blog. :)


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